Head banging

# Understanding Your 22-Month-Old's Head Banging ## 1️⃣ **I hear you — this is scary to watch** Head banging during anger is one of those behaviors that makes a parent's heart jump into their throat. You're probably wondering: *Is this normal? Am I handling it wrong? Should I be worried?* That combination of uncertainty and concern is completely real, and it matters that you're paying attention. --- ## 2️⃣ **What's happening in his brain and body** At 22 months, your son is in the thick of **제1반항기** (first opposition phase). His emotional intensity is ramping up *much* faster than his ability to express or regulate it. Head banging during anger isn't defiance — it's actually his body's way of: - **Releasing pressure** when feelings overwhelm his nervous system - **Getting your attention** (which he's learned works) - **Trying to regain control** when he feels powerless His brain literally doesn't have the wiring yet to say, "I'm frustrated and need help." So his body speaks instead. --- ## 3️⃣ **Why this happens at this age** - **Neurological intensity**: His emotions are firing faster than his language can catch up - **Limited problem-solving**: He can't yet think, "Let me try another way" - **Sensory feedback**: The physical sensation actually *dampens* his overwhelm temporarily — which means he may repeat it - **It works**: If he's gotten comfort, attention, or a change of outcome before, his brain files it as a strategy --- ## 4️⃣ **What to do starting today** ### **A) Before the bang — name the feeling** The moment you see frustration building (clenched fists, red face, rigid body), pause and say simply: > *"You're so angry right now. Your body wants to bang."* You're not stopping him yet — you're narrating what's happening. This does two things: it tells his nervous system *you see him*, and it plants the words for what he's feeling. ### **B) When/if he bangs — stay close but boring** - **Don't panic or gasp** (his brain registers: "This got Mom's big reaction — mission accomplished") - **Don't lecture or scold** ("We don't do that!") - **Do this instead**: Sit near him quietly. If safe, gently place a hand on his back. Say nothing for 30 seconds. - Once he's calmer (even slightly), offer: *"You were so mad. Let's try stomping instead"* — and stomp together ### **C) After — redirect the energy, not the feeling** Don't skip straight to distraction. Let him know: > *"That anger is still there, and that's okay. When you feel it coming, we can stomp, or we can squeeze this pillow, or we can say 'ANGRY!'"* Then practice these **once a day when he's calm** — not in the moment. --- ## ⚠️ **When to check with your pediatrician** Head banging at 22 months is developmentally normal. **Do mention it at your next check-up**, especially to rule out ear pain or sensory sensitivities. **Seek urgent care only if:** - He's causing visible injury/bleeding - Head banging happens when he's *calm* (not just angry) - It's happening many times daily with no clear trigger --- ## 💡 **One last thing** You're not reinforcing "bad behavior" by staying calm and naming his feelings. You're actually teaching his still-developing brain: *"Big feelings are real. You're safe. And you're not alone in this."* That's the foundation for emotional regulation — which he *will* develop. But it takes time. **You're doing this right by noticing and asking.** 💙